just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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