found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
