are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
