My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
