i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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