I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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