i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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