Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
