I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As shirtless as possible
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
