I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
