Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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