I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
