Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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