Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
