I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
