umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
