i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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