its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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