it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
