He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
