just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
