Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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