just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
