You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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