If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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