We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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