The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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