I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
