All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
