I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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