we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
