If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
