I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
