can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
