On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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