I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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