mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
