it was like his penis was on wheels.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
