you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
