im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
