she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
