I just cut my nipple shaving
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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