lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
