I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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