So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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