just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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