i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
