it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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