she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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