If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
