We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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