I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
