I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
